The Notebook: Does Love Like That Still Exist?

Introduction:

Karl and Sarah will be blogging together in format that invites a male and female perspective to an issue.  They only consult on the topic and not their responses (other than minor editing for grammar).  This blog will provide a pure he/she perspective.  Both responses are below.

KARL:

So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, for ever, you and me, every day." -The Notebook

I love "chick flicks" and I am happy to admit it. In fact, I don't understand why more guys don't like them or rather don't admit they do. Don't you go to the movies to feel happy? I do. That is what these movies do. But I digress....

 Tuesday night I watched the Notebook for the first time in years. For anyone who hasn't seen it I won't go into details on the storyline, but it is basically the best love story ever this side of Love Actually. As I was watching the story of Allie and Noah I got to thinking, could this happen in today's world? Does the true love they had for each other still exist? Or has it ever existed? The answer to both of these questions is; Absolutely.

 Let's talk about love for a second. Love makes no sense. The people that look best for us on paper often turn out to be totally wrong for us in the end. I've always thought my dream girl would be a 2pac loving, kayaker, that plays basketball and likes Dunkin Donuts, but we probably wouldn't get along. Chemistry is not something that can be explained, it just happens.

 I disagree with the old adage that there is one person for everyone. That's simply not true. At the same time there probably are only about 100 people in the world that you truly belong with. Only a lucky few of us ever meet that one person, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't stop looking.
 Back in the day there were less options. There were no phones or emails to communicate in between dates. You had your time with the girl or guy and then had to wait until the next time you saw them to continue  your courtship.  Yes, technology has changed love, but it hasn't changed its inner core. Sure, you can text, email, skype, and whatever else kids do these days, but you actually have to be with that person for love to grow. 
 The culture of love has changed a lot as well. The divorce rate is 50% with another 20% probably only staying with each other out of comfort. With online dating people from all over the world can now get together. People are marrying at a later age and some choose not even to get married. We have grown into more of an independant culture, which is in itself is a good thing. However, where does that leave true love?
 I've never felt about anyone like Noah felt for Allie, but I do believe she's out there. I think love conquers all. Life is unpredictable. You have bad days and good days. But if you find love nothing else really matters. If at the end of the day you can go home to your Allie or Noah everything is okay in this world. We should all strive for this kind of love because all of us deserve it. Remember, you never know when you'll meet that one person that you can't live without.

SARAH:

Reflections on “The Notebook”… Does Love Like That Exist Today

So Karl just got done watching the movie The Notebook.  Whenever anyone tells me they have seen the movie The Notebook, I immediately reply that the book / movie was based on the life of my grandparents.  Ok fine, maybe Nicolas Sparks did not really spy on my Nana and Bubbie, but their story is pretty close… And of course- I can not wait to share it with you:

While Nana attended Marquette University during WWII, her college roommate had a brother serving in the South Pacific.  One day, the roommate told the ladies of the dorm floor that men in her brother’s unit were looking for women to write back home.  The roommate placed all of the names of the men looking for pen-pals into a hat and each lady drew a name.  Jean Jocelyn (aka NANA) chose Howard Grenell (aka BUBBIE).  For the next few months the people who would become known as Nana and Bubbie wrote letters back and forth.  They bonded over both being from Wisconsin and compared stories about where they each grew up.  Nana had grown up on a dairy farm and Bubbie had grown up in the city of Milwaukee (clearly I also suspect that they were also the subject of Green Acres).  After much writing, Bubbie informed Nana of his leave to return home and that he would like to see her during his stay.  Nana wrote Bubbie with her telephone number and waited to hear from him… and waited… and waited… It was not until the last day that Bubbie was home on leave that he decided to finally call Nana.  As he would tell the story years later- he feared she would be ugly.  Once they finally met, Bubbie immediately fell for Nana, and Nana fell for Bubbie.  Bubbie told Nana before returning to the South Pacific that she would know Bubbie was home for good when she received two dozen red roses.  Nana’s interjection at this point of the story would be “so I figured yea… I’ll never hear from this guy again!”. 

Time passed and the War drew to a close.  One day Nana was walking up to her dorm room and saw a flower delivery truck in front of her building.  A delivery man was about to take a bouquet of two dozen red roses into Nana’s building.  She stopped the delivery man and said “Excuse me! Who are those flowers for?!”  The man replied “Jean Jocelyn”.  “THAT’S ME!” she said.  She promptly took the flowers and tore open the attached card which simply read “I’ll pick you up at 8pm – Howard”. 

What started as the most romantic story I ever heard continued as such the remaining days of my grandparent’s lives.  Having the pleasure of knowing both for 30 years, I have never seen two people more in love than my grandparents.  I never heard Bubbie say one mean thing about Nana, and I never heard Nana say one mean thing about Bubbie.  They simply adored each other, and in each other’s eyes- the other was perfect. 

Just like The Notebook, Nana was stricken with Alzheimers Disease.  Bubbie cared for Nana for years on his own and never complained.  After all he was still with his Jean.  When Nana became too ill for Bubbie to take care of, Nana went to an Alzheimher’s facility.  Bubbie wrote Nana just like they had in the War, and his face was one of the only faces she recognized at the very end.  Nana passed away in April of this year and Bubbie followed just five short months after.  I got to see Bubbie before he passed away, and he almost seemed excited to go to heaven- he knew he would be with his love again.   

Now as you readers wipe tears from your eyes, I’m going to give my thoughts on whether this type of undying love still exists.  I write this as a single 30 year old woman, who had the Nana / Bubbie relationship by which to compare all of my relationships.  I am here to argue that Nana / Bubbie love can still exist- even in this post-feminist and narcissistic age in which we currently live.  This love exists if there is a mutual respect in a relationship and an appreciation that there are no perfect people in this world, only people perfect for us.  This love exists by choice. 

I think back on my past relationships and I truly feel the break down occurred based on  those two principals- respect and an expectation of perfection.  Nana and Bubbie had the utmost respect for one another.  That respect translated into trust and the ability to rely on the other without a second thought.  Additionally, in each other’s eyes, the other was perfect.  Were they perfect? Of course not! Something I loved about Nana was that she could be one of the most straight forward bitches (SORRY NANA!!!!) you’ve ever met!  If you messed with her or her family- you were promptly informed of where you stood… and often times never let to forget.  Bubbie on the other hand was honest to a fault.  For example, as many college coeds tend to do, I gained the freshman errrrr 40.  While losing weight Bubbie would tell me how in just 10 more pounds… I would be GORGEOUS!  So were Nana and Bubbie perfect human beings that we can never aspire to be like? No.  But were they perfect for each other? Yes.  Did Bubbie expect Nana to not speak her mind and be “perfect”? No!  Did Nana yell at Bubbie for being overly honest if something made her look fat? No! There was no expectation of perfection, just an expectation that they were perfect for each other and that truly made everything else come easy. 

I would argue that our current generation has made a choice to lose sight of these two principals- respect and not wanting perfection.  I think our egos often get in the way of respecting the person we are dating and we fail to acknowledge that their wants, needs, desires, and dreams are as important as our own.  I’ve seen recent relationships in my personal life fail because I did not feel the person I was dating respected me as an equal, nor served to be a champion of my dreams.  Likewise, I know I have expected perfection out of people I have dated- perfection that required those men to be just like me.  Had I not held the men I dated to the same OCD-like perfection level I hold myself to, the relationships may have had a different outcome.  Furthermore, had those same men treated me as an equal and listened to my opinion, respected my voice when I expressed concerns and insecurities, and thought of me as a partner- the relationships would also have been different.  In the end, I chose to look for perfection, and the men I dated chose to ignore respect (and some were looking for perfection too- let’s be honest).  It was our choice that made the relationships fail and to not have the Nana/Bubbie love that could have been (footnote- this is of course not saying that all of these relationships should have endured- sometimes people are just not good fits for one another).  Our egos simply did not let the love happen.

If we put away our egos and stop looking for the perfect person, we can find what Nana and Bubbie had- true and undying love- a love that is total and utter acceptance of the other person and a love that allows the participants to be each other’s biggest cheerleader.  That love it out there, but it is our choice to have it.  So get off your butts, stop reading blogs, and go find someone to adore and respect. Go write your own notebook!